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Putting the kids first; how to minimise fallout from a family breakdown – a five step guide

Posted on 06th April 2019 in Residential Property

Posted by

Tracy Lambert

Partner and Solicitor
Putting the kids first; how to minimise fallout from a family breakdown – a five step guide

Protecting the children and making the process as stress-free as possible is imperative when there is a marriage or partnership breakdown. 

A child may feel torn between both parents or angry and one or both parents for the relationship breaking down. Every situation will be different and depend on the unique circumstances of the family unit, but it should be everyone’s concern that the children are protected from any animosity between the parents.

It will certainly be the family court’s number one priority above everything else, so it’s in everyone’s interest to keep any children act proceedings as calm and as smooth as possible. How can you do that and get the best outcome for your children? Here is our five-point guide.

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1. Keep the lines of communication open

Rule number one in any negotiation is to keep the lines of communication open. The worst thing that can happen for everyone involved is for talks to break down. Not only does it increase the tension between the parties (which the children will immediately notice), but it also has a knock-on effect for any arrangements.

2. Protect your children from any animosity, but be honest with them

It really does not matter if you and your soon-to-be-ex-partner hate the sight of one another. Your children are both your responsibilities, so it’s up to you to protect them from any animosity between you. However, don’t try and pretend that change isn’t happening. Children are far more astute than they are often given credit for and will know that Mum and Dad are having problems. Don’t lie to them, and certainly don’t try and turn your children against your former partner.

Family courts will not take kindly to reports of manipulating the feelings of children, regardless of how messy the separation is.

3. Get mediators on the case

If you can’t talk to one another without it ending in a shouting match, then ask mediators to step in. Family law experts are highly experienced at acting as go-betweens and will also have experience in dealing with child arrangement disputes, too. Talk to your legal experts if you want to try and organise some mediation before the case goes to court.

4. Always keep your children’s welfare at the centre of any decision

It’s easy to start thinking only of your own situation in a complicated divorce or separation, but it’s important to remember that there are other people affected by the events too. It’s time to put your own personal feelings aside and keep your children’s welfare at the centre of every decision.

5. Think about the future

Child arrangements need to be flexible so that the children spend as much time as possible with both parents. So that means you have to be relatively flexible too, not just immediately, but in the future as well. Things like schools, health provision, and even access to other family members such as grandparents are all part of the solution, so make sure you think about the long-term plans for your children as well as any immediate considerations.

Children Act proceedings can be emotionally draining and challenging, so make sure you have a legal expert you can rely on, and whom you feel comfortable with to help you through the process.

Here at Tozers, we have an experienced team of family law solicitors in Devon who are on hand to advise and help you. If you wish to speak to us, please do not hesitate on contact us on 01392 207020 or email family@tozers.co.uk.

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